She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
