So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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