I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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