I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
