i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize