That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
