i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
