dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
