He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
