these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
