OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
