I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
NoShamevember. You game?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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