i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
