Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is classic penis vs brain.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
