can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
