i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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