Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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