why didn't you poke me back
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
