just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
