Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
