i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
