Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
