I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
