it was like eating out sand paper
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
