I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize