GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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