I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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