and she was petting her beer can
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
