Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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