She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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