Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
