i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
