worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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