He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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