I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
