There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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