I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
