I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
