Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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