TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
