I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
