I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize