i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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