her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize