I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
