No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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