yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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