i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
