I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
