Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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