I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
