i don't like sucking hair
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
