He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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