Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
