i would punch a child for taco bell
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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