Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
