If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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