like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
