I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's always time for handjobs
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
