im six kinds of drunk right now
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
