i barfeds in our rink
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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