i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
time to smoke my breakfast
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
