did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
