ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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