I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
