bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
