hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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