Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
