Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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