I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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