Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
