The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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