i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
