she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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